Crash and Burn

I have a tendency to do things differently than most people, which is something I normally like about myself. So many times I’ve been presented with opportunities that seem good. People tell me I should go for it, and I think most people, if they were in my place, would. But so often these are the opportunities that I pass up, and instead I go a more difficult route, believing that it’ll be more rewarding in the long run.

The problem is, I’m 25 years old, and I have nothing to show for it. I really haven’t accomplished the things I had hoped to by this point. It seems like all my decisions have amounted to…nothing. There’s so far been no payoff, just heaps of criticism and challenges.

Every once in a while I have a crash and burn moment. That’s what I call it because that’s what it feels like: as if I’m crashing and burning. Not literally, of course. But figuratively. It’s those moments when I stop to examine myself and it seems like everything I do is wrong. Nothing seems to be going right. I wonder: what if I’m way off – off about everything.

Normally I’m confident in my decisions and I don’t regret them because I know that the things I’ve passed up just weren’t right for me. It might have been good for other people, but I knew it wasn’t for me. But in these “crash and burn” moments when I’m feeling beat up and bruised and my confidence is low, this is when I start second-guessing myself, even on things I had always been very confident about, decisions I had never previously regretted.

“What if all this time I’ve been making the wrong decisions? What if everyone else was right, and I’m just way out in left field?”

“Who does that, anyway? Who does things the way I do? Nobody. Who passes up the things I’ve passed up? Anyone else would’ve taken it, but I decided it wasn’t what I wanted. So what do I have now? Nothing. Good job, Rob. You’re a genius.”

“Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe I’m crazy. Or maybe just delusional.”

In moments when we’re most vulnerable, when our confidence is low, when things have been rough, we’re most susceptible to Satan’s attacks. He will use our failures, shortcomings, and disappointments to bring us down if we let him. Self-pity is tempting, but it’s so destructive. I’m at my least productive in times like this.

When we’re feeling lost or tired, and we face an uncertain future, all we can do is keep our faith that things will work out in time. God promised to never leave us or forsake us, and all we can do is have faith that he keeps his promises.

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,

Philippians 3:13

Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

When I listened to this song in high school, I didn’t think much of it. I thought it was just a nice song. But now it has a different meaning to me. Christ is always there for us, even when it feels like no one else is.

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